If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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