Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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