Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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