I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
