Whod you bang
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize