xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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