well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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