she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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