Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
