For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
