He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We need to get me chipped asap
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
