I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
