Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it's great music for shaving your balls
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize