I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
