all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
