it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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