put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize