Your face is a jimmy john
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
