I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
