Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
