I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
