i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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