no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
