I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
