dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
