I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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