I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
