oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
