pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
