You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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