Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This house was built for laser tag.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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