I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
how drunk are you?
Several
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
