I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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