ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
