What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
