Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
