dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
