i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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