Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
