whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
