how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
