He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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