We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you had me at cake vodka
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
