dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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