I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
