I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
