I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
