So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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