he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
