I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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