is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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