First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You ruined the universe
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize