So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
