Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
