would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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