you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
