This girl is more easily done than said...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So much rum. So many feels.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
