I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
