I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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