Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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