Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Two words: nipple clamps
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