Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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