I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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