You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The air was thick with penises
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
