soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
