I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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