haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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