drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
