did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
