Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
